My Mother

                                                     ( Feb 08 )
                                      
                                                    My Mother

                                      

                                      I liked that she was always there

                                       I liked that i was not afraid of her

                                       I liked to see her sitting down

                                       sometimes her face buried in a magazine

                                       i did not mind that

                                       because she looked less sad when sitting down.

                                       I liked to hear her talk when we had visitors

                                       maybe i was thirsty for her voice

                                       or the expressions of her face

                                       or signs of her intellect

                                       anything that animated her

                                       and took away her sadness.

                                       I hated it when she did housework

                                       she hated it too

                                       and looked distressed, distant and unhappy.

                                       She often used to sing during those times

                                       which was a sign that she was unhappy

                                       and a sign of 'do not interrupt'.

                                       I always believed she did not want to be there

                                       and did not want me there either

                                       that i was part of her distress.

                                      Occasionally i was surprised by a look in her eyes

                                      that resembled 'care' for me ...or was it love?

                                       I never felt she loved me

                                       there were never any happy 'together' moments

                                       during my early childhood ...None.

                                      Yet, there was never a time that she was not there for me

                                      or a time that i was not part of her life.

                                      Always there when i needed her,

                                      always supported me in any way she could,

                                      morally, materially or by just being there,

                                      right to the end of her days.

                                      It took me well over three decades

                                      before i could see it all in the right perspective.

                                        

                        She will always be the shining Moonlight in my dark nights
                                   Her Eyes will Forever remain Etched in my Soul...