A Naughty Night ...or Two!...

                                                    ( Feb 08 )

                              A Naughty Night ...or Two!...


                                

                                          My Brother and I

             When still at primary school, we had been given a very small
            toy like transistor radio, the size of a current time mobile phone
            which we used to share at bed times.

            Our mother used to send us to bed very early
            before our father's arrival from work
            which made it hard to sleep especially during summer time
            when we could hear all the other neighbourhood kids
            still roaming about, playing merrily till late into the starry night.

            My father had decreed about the use of the Radio: 

           ''We were not allowed to listen to the Sunday Radio Theatre''
            unless he had read a review prior to airing

            and had judged it suitable for our ages.

            We were both good kids basically
            but temptation often proved much stronger than our best wills
            and we ended up frequently disobeying secretly.

            Our beds were placed in an L shape in a shared bedroom
            with the head sides touching
            so it was easy to put the little radio as close as possible
            to an equal middle distance so that we were both able

            to listen at a very low volume

            especially when it was obvious by the content

            that it would be forbidden.

            One of those disobedient nights we landed on a very scary play.
            So scary that we were both frozen with fear and scarcely breathing
            both wishing the radio turned off

            but neither dared make the slightest move despite the fact
            that it was sitting only a couple of inches away from each.

            It was about some crime that someone had committed
            and a chorus of several male and female voices
            representing the Echoing of the Offender's Conscience
            with a Haunting, Ghost like quality
            chanted repeatedly, initially softly, like a whisper
            but increasingly louder and with more accusing

            and threatening tone at each repetition: 

          

             Then my brother, much younger as he was, asked with trembling voice:

            

              I considered the offer carefully for a few seconds in the dark 

                                

              but if I said yes, that would mean that I would have to ...move
              in order to get it... which of course... I did not dare ...
              so i refused with equally trembling voice:

                                    

               A good lesson learned but only temporarily...

                                                      * * *

               Another Play another Disobedient night

               This one was not as scary, but had a very lasting impression
               on me because of its strong symbolism
               which spoke to me at the time
               so much so that even now I can still remember most of it
               yet it took many years later to understand its meaning.

               I do not remember title or author

               but the main part of the story runs like this:

               A small party of friends and colleagues
               are meeting at a friend's house.
               A couple of them have already arrived and are talking.
               Their conversation is interrupted by another arrival
               announcing some rather peculiar news:

               "There have been some Weird Sightings of Rhinoceroses in the City"

                It sounds odd and unbelievable but it is soon confirmed
                by more friends arriving and some strange stampeding noises

                are started to be heard in the street 

                and the friends gather near the windows from where

                they can now witness the curious phenomenon for themselves.

                The last friend to arrive, highly anxious and agitated
                brings even more disturbing news regarding the current situation:

                "Some strange virus is affecting anyone who steps outside

                into the street causing them to turn into Rhinoceroses

                and Inevitably Join the Herds" 

                Initially the friends decided to remain in the house 

                until it was all over but as the hours went by 

                those who had already been exposed to the virus 

                on their way there, found it difficult to contain themselves.

                They felt an irresistible urge to burst out in the streets
                and join the herds, so one after another
                despite their initial resolve, started to give up and left the house

                while the remaining ones witness their transformation 

                to Rhinoceroses from inside the windows

                Finally only those who had arrived early
                and had not been affected remained. 

                But as the hours went by they came to realise 

                with tremendous anguish and anxiety

                that more and more people were being converted 

                and it looked like  there was no hope any more.

                They were doomed to either Stay and Die Isolated in the house

                or Run Outside and follow the Herds.

                 After a lot of agonising resistance only One remained.

                 In the end, after a lot of internal struggle

                 and unable to resist on his own any longer

                 he gave up and in despair threw himself 
                 into the street joining the Herds...

                                                   ***

                   How often despite our own reasoning, beliefs or ideals

                   find ourselves eventually having to give in 

                   into Society's trampling forces

                     

                   turning into Rhinoceroses and joining the herds 
                   in order to avoid isolation, loneliness, exclusion,  
                   rejection, discrimination and the rest...

                               

My Mother

                                                     ( Feb 08 )
                                      
                                                    My Mother

                                      

                                      I liked that she was always there

                                       I liked that i was not afraid of her

                                       I liked to see her sitting down

                                       sometimes her face buried in a magazine

                                       i did not mind that

                                       because she looked less sad when sitting down.

                                       I liked to hear her talk when we had visitors

                                       maybe i was thirsty for her voice

                                       or the expressions of her face

                                       or signs of her intellect

                                       anything that animated her

                                       and took away her sadness.

                                       I hated it when she did housework

                                       she hated it too

                                       and looked distressed, distant and unhappy.

                                       She often used to sing during those times

                                       which was a sign that she was unhappy

                                       and a sign of 'do not interrupt'.

                                       I always believed she did not want to be there

                                       and did not want me there either

                                       that i was part of her distress.

                                      Occasionally i was surprised by a look in her eyes

                                      that resembled 'care' for me ...or was it love?

                                       I never felt she loved me

                                       there were never any happy 'together' moments

                                       during my early childhood ...None.

                                      Yet, there was never a time that she was not there for me

                                      or a time that i was not part of her life.

                                      Always there when i needed her,

                                      always supported me in any way she could,

                                      morally, materially or by just being there,

                                      right to the end of her days.

                                      It took me well over three decades

                                      before i could see it all in the right perspective.

                                        

                        She will always be the shining Moonlight in my dark nights
                                   Her Eyes will Forever remain Etched in my Soul...



                                              

My Father

                                                                       (Feb 08)

                                                  My Father

                               
                                   

         Unlike my mother who remained a mystery as a real person

         throughout almost my entire life and affected me in deep

         but rather unconscious ways, my father appeared more or less

         like an open book to me.

         Equally, the way i was affected by him

         seemed more straightforward, open and most of the time conscious

         and voluntary on my part  ... or so i believed until more recent years.

         He was a solid-rock steady character with many confusing

         contradictions such as slow steady patience but with

         an underlying permanent tension and nervous impatience

         -often in a mode of hurried anxious urgency, without good reason-

         or admirable calmness and measured thoughtful expression

         interrupted by sudden unexpected volcanic eruptions of temper.

         He easily and readily embraced everything and anything new

         at any level, yet at other times stubbornly remained fixed

         within his own formed ideas, impressions and convictions and

         generally was not easily moved other than "in his own good time"

         I am guessing in this regard i am much like the ‘apple’

         that fell under the Apple Tree... lol!.

         He set the law and he was the law both in our family

         or wherever he was present and would follow or associate

         with no one unless they gained his considerable

         yet rare and very fragile, respect.

         He loved and appreciated life and all living things

         from animals to birds, to plants and all

         and from him I have inherited that quality

         enhanced by my mother's quiet yet endless compassion

         towards all animals who made our home theirs at different times.

         His ready willingness, contagious enthusiasm and surprisingly

         nurturing side when it came to them despite any lack of space

         or financial limitations, enriched immensely our childhood

         and furnished both my brother and myself with many funny,

         unforgettable stories to remember, to share and laugh.

         I loved him dearly and feared him as much

         even though he never laid hands on me

         - not as long as i can remember, except once,

         when so young that i cannot remember it happening-

         but this, it seems was enough... and well engraved

         in the unconscious levels...

         He always talked to me.

         He talked to me as an adult to adult

         something i liked, appreciated and enjoyed

         and made me feel proud both of him and his way towards me

         and of myself that i was able to earn such worthy attention

         from an early age.

         I always found it easy to talk to him about anything

         either of interest or concern.

         He was open, sincere and patient and there were never

         any taboo or "do not step over the line" subjects

         especially when in need of advice or explanation.

         He encouraged me to always examine and question everything

         in any field and any subject - except for his authority.

         That was unthinkable to me back then and for many years

         and rather like a secret law or understanding between us

         which was never expressed in words from either side.

         I admired him and everything about him, from his beliefs

         to his likes and principles - and more than anyone else

         or any other chosen or imposed authority in my life,

         and for many years he remained on a pedestal in my eyes

         until my husband endured and surpassed all tests to this throne.

         I still remember when his hand often held mine, even in later years.

         It felt strong, steady and reassuring yet soft, relaxed and soothing

         with a warmth that transcended its physical temperature

         and a feel that often made me think it possessed healing qualities.

         A unique feeling i never experienced before or ever since...

                       

                               He was like the Sun in my Life...